I find it amazing today looking at the drastic change I managed to go through in my perspective toward the process of change, I used to be so afraid of it, literally choking on every step of the way, only to come to a point I wish for it, and if I don't have it, I create it. So now I am finding myself with a new challenge and that is how to live with my new grown passion when what I want now is to find and be in some kind of a routine.... challenges challenges :-) Thank god I learned to love those as well along the way.
I find it also very energizing to wake up early every morning for the walk, before I started I thought to myself: "What would I do with all those hours?" Now I keep finding what to do, it just comes. Today I had a wonderful conversation with my mom, with my father sitting with us listening. It was more her talking and sharing, and yes, sometimes she did mention an occasion I already heard about before, yet I found it so nice connecting to her again, hearing things I never heard before, about her past, emotions and more. I never had this kind of relationship with her, and I find it so relaxing and comforting to bond with her after so many years.
Later on they had to go on with their day and I found myself sitting down at the balcony. I was thinking about publishing my book as an Ebook so after looking up at other descriptions, getting an idea of how it should look like, I started writing my own. I never realized until that moment what I actually managed to do along the years. It was when I looked up for the book's most fitting category that I came across the sub-category of "Depression". It is just about 18 years ago (next month) that I went through the hardest depression I had ever come across, a depression which almost brought me to the point of committing suicide. I thank god, and one of my best friends ever, for being there, holding me above water, although I suspect my friend didn't know anything about it, I barely ever shared my feelings with people, especially the closest ones. It was then that I realized who my book is intended for and those are the ones who feel they had lost their way and path. It is such a horrible feeling, feeling lost and helpless, that I just wish people will remember that there is ALWAYS a way.
After I finished writing, I leaned back on the chair and put some music on, letting the insight sink in. It was then I realized what I actually did, coming from a point of hating the world so much, of fearing it, of being so angry with it, with the people who hurt me so much, all the way to the point I thank those kids who made my life a living hell, of loving the pain I had, and still have, to go through and to one of my top ever favorite achievements - to the point I came to love the unknown.
Oh how I wish I could share this knowledge around the world, how I wish I would be able to share my story, so every man, woman and child would know that.... It is O.K. We can all just breathe.
Thank you for being here and reading this, would love to hear from you, so please leave a comment :-)
All the best, and please, keep on dreaming!
Love
Uriel
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