Doing what I want

For years I had been told that I can't just go around doing what I want, that I have other people to consider and to think about, that there are things which need to be done and most of all, that doing what I want is childish, that grownups take responsibility.

Mmm.... Interesting, if grownups take responsibility, then why is the world in such a mess? Most grownups I hear only blame the other side for their problems... Anyhow, I'm not here to write about others, I am here to write and share about myself.

So this is how I grew up up to the young age of 16 years old, or maybe it's not that young, doesn't matter really, I just remember that day after those two long weeks of despair when I was contemplating how to kill myself, that it suddenly struck me as a lightning: "Maybe nobody knows!!!" Maybe they don't know it is possible to live in a different way and that is why they keep telling me that it is impossible to do what I want in this world, living as I wish to live while living this life. It was at that moment when I decided wholeheartedly: "I will do only as I feel like and let's see what happens!!" After all, I was about to kill myself, so it didn't matter to me anymore whether I will live or die, worst can happen, I got to live a little while longer and got to see life in a different way than what I always heard it is before I will die. That decision changed my life forever and I never looked back. For me it was either to find it or to die.

It was 18 years ago this coming January, 18 years, and I am still alive :-) Go figure, ah? I am actually reaching adulthood in the "Doing what I feel like" life. I learned so much since then, I laughed many times before that from the moment I left school I started to learn and study. I have learned SO much ever since that day, about what I truly feel like and what it means (What I feel is right for me to do at any given moment and situation, that is instead of what I think is right for me), about what I truly want and aim to achieve in this life. I've learned how to achieve and accomplish my desires and dreams with the most subtle amount of energy used by me, allowing me to save my energy for when I really needed it. I've learned how to change the most unchangeable things (or so it always seems) and what I actually need to do in order to change them. I've learned SO MUCH!!!! And that was from simple observation on life and on the connection to myself.

So looking back today, to that hard painful day, to the day I made a decision which was leaned on the idea that I have no other way, I look back with a smile, a winning smile, because I did exactly how I felt it is right for me to live, each and every time, and I lived to tell the story.

May yourself guide your way,
Uriel