Faith

Where had it gone to?

לכתוב

לכתוב....

הוא אמר לי פשוט לכתוב,

לשבת מול המחשב, ולכתוב.

אבל על מה לכתוב?

מה בעצם כותבים?

ככה סתם? לתת לאצבעות לרפרף על המקלדת ולאותיות לצאת מעצמן?

אבל בשביל מה? מה זה נותן?

נמאס לי שיש לי כל כך הרבה מה לומר אבל כשאני מנסה לתת למילים לצאת, אני פשוט נתקע.

המילים יוצאות מבולבלות, לא ברורות,

המאזין מסתכל עליי בתמיהה, לא מבין מה ניסיתי לומר,

ואני נשאר מתוסכל, מבואס, כועס ואבוד,

לא פלא שהדיכאון כל הזמן חוזר.

כל הזמן קופצים לי לראש דברים שאני רוצה לכתוב ולדבר עליהם,

ממש כמעט כל יום,

אני פתאום חושב על משהו שאני רוצה לדבר עליו,

להבהיר אותו,

להביא אחרים להסתכל עליו מנקודת מבט אחרת, שונה,

וכל פעם אותו דבר,

הרעיון בראש,

המשפט הממצה את הרעיון מוכן,

רק כשאני מנסה להרחיב עליו במילים,

דברים פשוט משתנים,

הרעיון נהיה ערימת מילים לא ברורה,

ואני שוב,

חוזר לתסכול הנורא הזה.

לכתוב אלק....

אכזבה

כמה תמיד פחדתי ממנה, אותה אכזבה כואבת ומעיקה, כמה תמיד פחדתי לפגוש אותה, כשאני לא מוכן, ככה בהפתעה, פתאום ובלי זמן להתכונן... כמה פחדתי ממנה.

אכזבה,

כן כן,

גם את חלק מהחיים,

כן כן,

גם את שם,

מגיעה ללא הכן,

ללא תרועה,

שכן איזו אכזבה תהיי אם אוכל להתכונן לבואך?

כמה כואבת היא האכזבה,

שהרי כל כך רצינו במשהו,

כל כך התכוננו ועשינו,

בדקנו ובנינו,

והנה היא באה,

בלי לשאול אם היא בכלל רצויה,

הנה היא באה - האכזבה.

כואב לי לכתוב עכשיו,

כואב לי כל כך,

להודות שאין לי שליטה,

שאני לא יודע,

איך ומה לעשות,

כמה כואבת היא האכזבה.

ואין לי איך לשנות אותה,

אין לי מה לעשות,

היא שם, 

היא כאן,

והיא תלך כשהיא תרצה ותבחר בזה.

אז מה לעשות?

איך משנים את ההרגשה הזו?

לפני חודש ראיתי את הפחד,

לפני חודש ראיתי עד כמה אני מפחד ממנה,

ולפני חודש זה היה,

שאמרתי לראשונה - 

אכזבה, ברוכה הבאה!

זה לא עשה את זה ליותר קל,

כי בהחלט כאב לי להרגיש את בואה,

רק דבר אחד אני למדתי,

וזה

שהיא לא כל כך מפחידה.

The Consciousness of Love

Three weeks ago I found myself realizing that I am on the brink of a change in my consciousness, I suddenly saw that my consciousness is moving to a one of love.

It's been years of living in the consciousness of fear, afraid something bad will happen and doing whatever I could to change it, or to prevent it if possible. Those were some exhausting years, I must say, having the ongoing process running through my head non stop, and I do mean - Non stop.
Yet now when I look back, it's so worth it!! Having the ability of coming out of the perspective of fear at any time I choose and want, how wonderful is that!! And now, having come to this place, I realize I even don't have to do that, I can literally stay in love, all the time :-)

It's quite the experience for me, having been so used to live in fear, so used to exploring it, learning it, becoming aware of what it is actually made out of, and here I am now, not having to do it kind of "scares" me (;-)), what do I do now?

Today I see that the consciousness, our consciousness, the human collective consciousness, is actually changing, it's not a joke, it's happening right in front of us, as we, literally, speak!

I so wish people will see the love they are living in, the protecting warmth of life, that they would see that the actual thinking is what keeps creating the fear they are experiencing. It's not that i don't love fear, I absolutely adore it!!! It was, so far, my best teacher and guide, I've learned so much from it, yet living in it as a must takes all the fun out, therefore making fear not such a lovely feeling. It is wonderful to feel fear as much as it is to feel love, the change is in the perspective we are using when we look at it. Love your fears, and stop fearing your love, change that, and your life will, eternally, change.

Love you all!!

נסיעה

כבר מגיל צעיר היתה לי משיכה ליסוע, אולי זה בעצם קשור לזה שכבר כשעוד הייתי בבטן, ההורים שלי נסעו ברחבי הארץ כדי למצוא לנו קיבוץ מתאים לעבור אליו, וחמישה שבועות אחרי שנולדתי, עברנו. יכול להיות, להוכיח את זה אני לא יכול, רק שזה בהחלט מרגיש קשור.

אז זה היה בגיל 16, אחרי שכבר הייתי בהולנד 5 שנים קודם עם המשפחה, שהחלטתי לטוס לארצות הברית. בלי ליווי, בלי עזרה, האמת היא שהדבר היחידי שנעזרתי בזמנו בהורים שלי היה קניית הכרטיס, כשעוד קנינו במשרדי נסיעות, כל השאר, ממימון הנסיעה שכלל סגירת עסקת הלוואה מול הקיבוץ, אירגון ההסעות לשדה התעופה וחזור ובעצם כל דבר אשר נגע לנסיעה היה תחת אצבעותיי. מי ידע שהנסיעה הזו תשנה את חיי...

רק שמה שאני רוצה לכתוב עליו הוא לא זה, אלא על האהבה האינסופית שלי לתחושת הנסיעה, תחושת התזוזה, השינוי, הנוף הזז ומשתנה מול עיניי, האנשים השונים אותם אני פוגש לאורך הדרך.... מדהים כמה השתנתי מאז, כמה חששתי בגיל 14 לרדת לקרית שמונה לבד, ורק שנתיים אחרי זה נחתתי לבד בניו-יורק, איזה שינוי!
אני זוכר עד כמה חששתי לפני כל נסיעה, על מה צריך לארגן ולארוז, מה יקרה אם אשכח משהו ובכלל, מה אעשה אם לא אדע מה לעשות, מה יקרה אם לא יהיה שם מישהו לעזור לי? כמה חשש, כמה פחד, והכיף הוא בסוף לגלות שזה כל מה שזה, פחד. סך הכל רגש, לא יותר מזה, רק עד כמה שהוא יכול להשפיע כשלא מכירים אותו, סוג של "איום" שבכלל לא בא לאיים, אלא כדי להעיר את תשומת ליבנו, הרי מי מרשה לעצמו להיות שאנן כשיש פחד? ;-)

כבר שנים שאני אומר שאם יש עצה אחת שאני מוכן לתת בלב שלם, אז היא זו: צאו לטייל לבד.
טיפ קטן למרגישים בפחד, אתם לעולם לא תהיו לבד.

נסיעה נעימה!!

ואהבת

פשוט, לא?

ואהבת,

למה זה כל כך מסובך?

פשוט לאהוב,

ולחייך ולקבל,

וכן,

גם את החלקים הבלתי אפשריים.

כי פה זה כל העניין,

לאהוב זה לאהוב,

זו לא החלטה,

את מה כן ואת מה לא,

ואהבת,

זה פשוט.

אז איך בעצם אוהבים?

עם מה שקל לאהוב בהחלט אין מה להתעסק יותר מדי,

זה קל,

אבל מה עם שאר הדברים?

היותר מאתגרים?

איך אוהבים אותם?

אז בואו ניקח רגע צעד אחורה,

למה אנחנו בעצם לא אוהבים?

מה עוצר אותנו מלחוות אהבת אמת ועוד בחינם?

האם אנחנו באמת צריכים לעשות משהו מסויים על מנת להגיע לשם?

או שבעצם אנחנו כבר עושים אותו וכל מה שנותר לנו לעשות הוא להיות מודע אליו...

מה בעצם עוצר אותנו מלחוות אהבה,

במלואה ובריבונה,

מה עוצר אותנו מלחוות את מה שכל אישה וגבר מבקשים לחוות?

כשמסתכלים על זה, 

הצד השני של המטבע הוא הפחד,

הוא היין של היאנג,

או אולי להיפך,

ועדיין,

אהבה ופחד לעולם יהיו ביחד,

אחד ליד השני,

יוצרים הכל,

ביחד.

אז איך חווים את האהבה?

איך עוברים צד על מנת,

לפחות,

לקבל את הפחד כאפשרות,

ולא כחובה,

איך בעצם חובים את האהבה במלואה,

ואוהבים - הכל?

זה פשוט האמת,

והמיינד מסתבר מתקשה לקבל הוראה פשוטה שכזו,

שכן זו היציאה מהמיינד,

מהמחשבות והחישובים האינסופיים שלו,

מהבדיקה הרצופה אם הכל בסדר,

אם יש עוד משהו ששכחנו לעשות,

זו היציאה הזו,

מהמיינד, מהשכל,

שמוציאה אותנו מהפחד.

שכן זהו הפחד של המיינד,

הפחד מלא-נודע,

הלב שוחה בו באהבה אינסופית,

וכל עוד אנחנו נמצאים בתוך המיינד,

בתוך רצף הבדיקות האינסופיות אשר קורות יום אחרי יום,

כל עוד אנחנו שם,

אנחנו חווים את הפחד מהלא-נודע.

אז מה עושים?

איך יוצאים מזה?

זה כל כך פשוט....

לוקחים נשימה עמוקה ומודעת,

ואז לוקחים עוד אחת,

לא על מנת שייקרה משהו,

אלא כדי להיות איתה,

עם הנשימה,

עם הרגע בכבודו ובעצמו.

זה בסדר, אפשר לנשום.

השינוי קורה מעצמו. ;-)

אהבה

אהבה,

איזו מילה,

איזה מושג,

הדבר אשר מושך הכי הרבה אנשים,

ובאותו הזמן,

מרתיע.

כמה מאיתנו מחפשים להרגיש אהבה,

כמה מאיתנו מבלים את כל חיינו בתקווה ובבקשה לחוות אותה.

אז למה אנחנו כל כך נבהלים כשהיא מגיעה?

כל החיים שלי רציתי לחיות בה,

להיות בה,

חיפשתי דרכים,

פיתחתי רעיונות,

ואפילו הגעתי

לנקודה בה אני יכול לחוות אהבה בכל רגע בו אבחר.

רק ש....

זה בדיוק העניין,

רק כשאני בוחר.

היום, 

אחרי שמילאתי את עצמי באהבה,

שגדלה וגדלה,

יום אחר יום,

רגע אחר רגע,

היום אני רואה עד כמה קשה לי להכיל אותה,

ולכן היא מתפרצת,

ומבהילה,

אני לא יודע איך להכיל אותה בתוכי,

ולכן מרחיק אחרים אשר לא יודעים מה לעשות איתה.

כבר מעל ל-20 שנה שאני מתאמן באהבת הפחד,

נראה לי שהגיע הזמן

להתאמן באהבת 

וקבלת 

האהבה.

ייהי הוויתך ברוך.

זכיתי לאהוב

אתמול באמצע הלילה דיברתי עם חברה טובה חדשה והיא שאלה אותי: "למה אתה לא כותב בעברית?"

התשובה היחידה שיצאה לי היתה האוטומטית: "אני פשוט פונה לקהל יותר גדול", רק שזה בהחלט גרם לי לחשוב....

ככה יצא שהיום, כשקמתי להליכת הבוקר שלי, בשעה מאוחרת אני חייב להוסיף (אמרתי כבר שהייתי ער באמצע הלילה?), חשבתי לעצמי למה אני בעצם לא פונה לקהל אליו אני מרגיש הכי שייך, לאנשים איתם גדלתי, למדינה אותה, בסופו של דבר, אני רואה כבית, אז למה?

לא הגעתי לתשובה ברורה בזמן ההליכה, רק שעכשיו, כשאני שואל את עצמי שוב, התשובה הראשונה היא: כי כואב לי.

לא נהניתי לגדול פה, לא בקיבוץ, ולא בישראל בכלל, והסיבה הראשונה היא הלחץ האינסופי שיש פה, הכסאח הישאלי, הכאב הזה שאנחנו גדלים על לשמר אותו במקום לרפאו, המריבות האינסופיות בין העדות, רק בגלל שאנשים שונים אחד מהשני.... ועוד כל כך הרבה סיבות נוספות, פשוט לא נהניתי.

הרגשתי תמיד שונה פה בישראל, אני תמיד אהבתי לזוז לאט, לעשות דברים לשם העשייה שבהם, ולא כדי להספיק לעשות איתם משהו והלחץ הישראלי ממש הפריע לי לנשום, זו גם אחת הסיבות למה שאני עושה ככלל, לעזור לאנשים לנשום ולהירגע, כך שאני אוכל לחיות פה יותר בנוחות. לאורך השנים גיליתי שאני ממש אוהב את המדינה הזו, לא את הגבולות, אלא את האווירה החיה שפה, האנרגיה המדהימה שיש באנשים פה, את חווית החברות והמשפחה כשמצאתי את עצמי צריך עזרה, יש פה משהו פשוט אחר מכל מקום בו הייתי וחייתי, ועשיתי את זה פה ושם :-)

אז למה בעצם לא לכתוב בעברית? אם אני כל כך אוהב את המקום, למרות הכאב איתו גדלתי, למרות הלחץ הקבוע הזה שיש פה שבעצם מטריף אותי, למה לא לכתוב לקהל, לאנשים שחיים פה בשפה שתהיה להם הכי נוחה לקריאה והבנה?

שאלה מעולה, ואני מודה לאותה אישה מדהימה על השאלה, כי היום, כשהלכתי את הליכת הבוקר שלי, עברתי ליד כמה מכוניות שמשום מה חנו ליד גדר המערכת, ובאחת מהן, ישבה אישה והשגיחה על בנה, ומהרדיו בקע שיר שאני אישית מאוד אוהב: "זכיתי לאהוב" של עיברי לידר, וזה גרם לי להרהר.

כי כן, אני באמת זכיתי לאהוב, זכיתי על ידי זה שנולדתי, שכן נולדתי למשפחה שאם אפשר להגיד עליה משהו אחד בפה מלא ובלב שלם, הוא שהאהבה קיימת בה ובשפע, פשוט נולדתי לזה ולזה הורגלתי, לאהוב.

דבר נוסף היה שעם האהבה הזו גם חוויתי כאב גדול בזמן שגדלתי, כאב שכמעט והביא אותי לסיים את חיי בגיל יחסית מוקדם, וזו היתה אותה אהבה, אותה אהבה עלייה גדלתי שהשאירה אותי כאן חיי, האהבה לבני האנוש, לאותם אלו שחיים מסביבי וכן היו רוצים לאהוב. זו היתה אותה אהבה שעזרה לי להישאר ולחפש דרך אחרת לחיות בה, זו היתה אותה אהבה שעזרה לי לאורך כל החיפוש, שהדריכה, שכיוונה, שהגנה ושמרה, זו היתה אותה אהבה שעשתה כל כך הרבה, ועדיין שם, מדריכה אותי בדרכי ושומרת על נפשי.

אז זה למה אני כותב עכשיו בעברית, זוהי הסיבה ללמה החלטתי הבוקר כן לכתוב בעברית, לאותם אנשים החיים במדינה מהיפות והחיות שהכרתי, כי זכיתי לאהוב, וכל רצוני כעט הוא לחלוק את אותה אהבה עם האנשים שהמשפחה שלי, הקטנה והגדולה, חיים בה.

אוהב אתכם, וכל כך מקווה שתחוו את אותה אהבה.

היא אפשרית.

Feelings

Have you ever noticed how some feelings feel so good and yet some feel so bad? Don't you find that weird? I do.

I have always been very emotional, going from one to the next, some feel amazing and some feel terrible, and for years I have tried to understand why is that, why do we see, and because of that feel, some of them as good ones and some of them as bad ones.

Just before writing here I recorded another video for YouTube, which I am uploading as we speak, and just after, I felt like listening to "Breathe me" by Sia, which I find an absolute best song for feeling pain and sadness. So why would I want to feel that you might ask, well, that's exactly it, to FEEL!!!

I love feeling!! It is something which is way beyond me and unstoppable anyway, so why even bother trying to push it away from me or back down to my subconscious? Why try blocking something which is impossible to block and even if we managed to block it once or twice, eventually it will take us over and wash us with infinite amount of energy, so why even bother with trying blocking it in the first place?

As I was just listening to "Breathe me" I went straight away to my feeling zone, my place of safety, where I feel myself, where I allow myself to be, just be, and to feel that incredible emotion which rises from just listening to a beautiful song. Then it just came to me- there is absolutely NO wrong in feeling pain, sadness, anger, frustration, confusion and on top of all - Fear. I felt so alive from just listening to a song, I cried my eyes out and felt so good doing it I started laughing and enjoying it. I suddenly remembered how my parents always asked me: "What's wrong?" when I was crying, as if something was wrong in the first place, who said there's anything wrong? It's an emotion, something we feel, what can be wrong about that???

I love feeling, I love feeling life, feeling alive, and here's the thing, isn't that what everybody want? To feel and be alive? Just feel it, you are, just now, alive.

Regret

Last night, just after the new year started, while dancing to myself, enjoying the music, a woman crossed my path, hugging a friend of hers on her way out, or so it seemed at the time. She was facing away from me, hugging her friend, so I couldn't really see her, only her hair was visible to me, yet for some reason I felt something, something inside of me said: "Pay attention!!"

After they finished their hug, she went past me, and I got to see another glimpse of her, yet could not really understand yet what was it that got my attention. Then she turned around and I was floored.

As I came into the bar, about an hour or so before, I immediately took a sit at the bar and ordered myself a beer from the tap (Half a liter of course) so I can welcome the new year with a nice cold glass of beer in my hand.
As I was waiting, before I even got to talk to the bartender, I looked to my left, and there, behind all the people who stood and danced along the way, I got a glimpse of a beautiful woman in a white dress and she just got my attention, I don't know if it's the dress, I love a woman in a dress, or her long dark hair, I love that as well, or simply her beauty, or maybe all together, yet looking at her from a far, I was captivated for a few seconds, that is until my view was blocked by all the dancers which were going at it full on just before the end of last year.

The evening went on, I was on my own, celebrating my connection to myself, the steps I took in the past year and especially in the past month, yet most of all, I made a huge step yesterday evening, I published a video where I present myself as the writer of the sticker: "It's O.K. You can breathe. The change happens by itself." on a website where I ask people to help me fund more of them and to help me spread my message. For me it is a huge step because I was always afraid of people, which was one of the reasons I never wrote my name on the sticker, and here I am saying: "It's me".

So I was enjoying myself, the beer, the music and the dancing, when suddenly, a beautiful woman in a white dress crossed my path. As I turned around to look at her go and realized it was the same woman from before, I immediately understood I just have to go and talk to her, even if just to know her name. You see, I had for years lived by signs, and learned with the years that it is best to go with them rather than to hold back, there is something so special about jumping into the river of life and to let them take me with the flow, without knowing where it may lead, that is actually the greatest fun when you get used to it. All this went within a flash through my head, remembering the regret I always felt when I didn't go and talk to a beautiful woman who attracted my attention, and I found myself going, without thinking, and meeting up close, a woman who captivated my attention, thoughts and my whole being, all the way to now, when I am writing these words.

I don't know what will happen next, that's life's job, I only know one thing, and that is that last night I went to sleep, and this morning I woke up, without the slightest amount of the feeling called: Regret.

What if?

"What if it will all work out? What if it will actually work out just the way I planned and worked so hard for? What then?"

Those were the questions which I woke up with....
I'm finding myself these last couple of days acknowledging and realizing what I managed to do these past few years, and of course what was before and led me to where I am today, and something in me starts to wonder: "Is it really going to work out as I saw it in my mind's eye?"

When I was young I didn't know how to control my emotions, how to deal with them, and my emotions were always so intense, sometimes down frightening for some people around me, and all I wanted was to find a way to fit in, to be a part of the group, of the whole, to just feel as if I belong. Being so emotionally intensed always seem to push people away, to scare them off, to keep me isolated, and that scared me to death.

So when I decided to change it, I did the first thing which came to my mind, I started practicing being alone, preparing myself for the option that I will in fact be alone. Yet I did it with wonder, I did it with the desire to learn, to know more, I was curious!! Today, after doing it over and over, I realize that my perspective alone, the way I looked at it and observed it was the exact change I was looking for, the change of the perspective, the point of view I was looking through, changed my life, not the specific change I was looking into.

And so it went on and on, one after the other, I took something I felt I want to change and became curious about it: "What if I do it this way?" and similar questions changed my life forever and made my life a walking bliss. It's not that I don't feel pain and anger anymore, neither fear and confussion or frustration, it is only that I know that it is my perspective which changes the way I feel about them, I can fear them, being scared of the unknown and what they will do to me, and I can look at them with facination and wonder, being curious what made them come up in the first place? And, when I really don't know how to deal and contain them, I can always just breathe, relax my mind, my greatest muscle, and enjoy the breeze or whatever is happening around me. This understanding, this insight, changed my life forever.

So what if? What if people would really want to learn and know this? What if it will all work out?
I am SO curious to see how will it all unfold, I can't say patience had ever been my greatest value ;-)

Transformation

I was almost always afraid being a kid, there was always a kid who felt like giving all his pain to me in one form or another, so when the question "What if there would be no more sugar?" came to my mind, I immediately started working on releiving that stress, not realizing of course what I was doing at the time.

Two weeks ago it suddenly dawned at me that what I am going through at the moment is a transformation from the consciousness of fear to the consciousness of love, moving from the lack to the existence, from the agony to the compassion, from the pain to the joy. I suddenly realized that it is happening and that I have nothing to do about it except choosing whether I would like to fear it or to love it.

I guess that explains some of the stress I was living in, feeling that the window to learn about fear is closing and that in some point it will all be over. I guess that in order to explain what I just wrote I should also say that my dream, or should I say what I always felt is my calling, is to teach others how to calm themselves down and to be more relaxed and in tune with the rhythm of life. In other words, how to move from the consciousness of fear to the one of love, and to do that with as less stress as possible, since it is actually happening by itself, something I understood along the way.

This last weekend had been one of the most transformative weekends I had gone through for quite some time.
It started with a friend, a good friend, who I never really got to meet until this last Thursday, since she lives in Rome and we met on the net through another friend. She came for just couple of days to Israel, feeling she just had to be here for Christmas, and she's Jewish ;-) We actually met on the very beach it is believed Jesus had shared 2 loafs of bread and 5 fish (I think those are the numbers) to 5000 people, kind of an amazing place to meet someone for the very first time. We realized straight on that we have quite the connection on our current journey on this planet. We had a great day together with some friends of hers and the feeling was great!!

From there I went to visit a very good friend of mine (and his family) for the night and it was so good to see them all. We also started talking about pushing what I do forward and how to help it grow. What I realized with him was what I am actually doing which is changing the way we experience change, an understanding which I was waiting for for a very long time, one which started the transformation I am now experiencing.

The next morning he took me to a village near by where I participated in a healthy food and life style workshop. It was there that already on the first day, at Friday evening, while going through a Tibetian Bowls breathing session, that same realization sank deeper and I started seeing in my mind's eye how to manifest it and with whom. As soon as I came out of the session I started working on it, since two of girls I saw in my mind's eye were there already.

It went on and on like this ever since, things just happen with tremendous velocity and at ease I am familiar with, yet on at this capacity. Things, literally, transform from thoughts to reality with the blink of an eye. Wow!

I will go on now with my day, having so much to do suddenly, I just wanted to send you some love and effortlessnes for the simple reason that is how I see life.

Lots of love and a big hug
Uriel

Excited!!

Do you know this feeling when you wanted something for SO long and suddenly it just starts to manifest right in front of your eyes? Do you know what I'm talking about? I am going through this exact feeling as I am writing these words, I am just SO excited!!! :-)

When I was a kid, I always had this dream, I dreamed that the world I am living in is a nice place to live in, a beautiful place, where people help each other when one needs it, where people smile to one another and share their love, fears and other deep emotions out of the wish to bond, to come closer, to see that we are not alone, that we are all the same, going through the same phases in life and that with a little help from a friend or a new friend (stranger) we can go through anything, I dreamed of Heaven.

Many of you who are reading this post might think: "What is wrong with this guy? Hasn't he seen the latest news?"

Well, no, I don't watch the news for the simple reason there is nothing new in their programs, what their program is aimed for is spreading fear, reminding people why they should listen to what their governments tell them to do and that is the complete opposite of what I am doing, which is spreading love. I'm not here to go against them, they have their agenda, I have mine, yet as I am writing these words I realize that it is my choice where and how to live, in Paradise (Heaven) where I am in love with life and what surrounds me, attracting love to my life, from loving intimate relationships to relationships with friends which are based on love and cooperation, attracting whatever I may need to live with a smile, from jobs to places to live in, whatever I may need so I can focus all my attention on what I love most to do and that is exactly what I am doing right now - spreading the idea of self love. Or... I can live in fear and keep attracting everything I fear of.... Which choice would you make? ;-)

This is the only choice I ever found we actually have in our hands, the perspective which we live our lives in, how we look at our lives actually changes EVERYTHING!!!! :-)

So what would it be? Love or Fear?

By the way, I am so thrilled to tell you that I started a new YouTube channel which is called... (One guess ;-)) where I am sharing my experience about how to change our lives, feel free to drop by, here's a link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DwagS7Q8qj8

Talk to you soon,
keep loving,
and of course, breathing :-)

Control

Ever since I was born I was told that there are things that I just can't do and that there are things that I must do.
At first I took it as truth, believing that since I am younger than those who told me those things, they must know more about this world than I would. The thing is that I was suffering at the time, trying to fit in the society I was living in, wanting the most simple thing one can ask for, to belong. All through those years my parents didn't know that when they kept on saying: "This is just the way it is", meaning that some things can be done and some just can't, what I understood from this is that life was meant to be suffered through and that is just the way it is. That is what brought me to the point of killing myself.

When I was 16 years old I quit school and moved into an art school, which was meant for those same kids who just didn't fit the standard school, where we learned sketching, drawing, painting, photography and such, discovering different aspects and areas one can learn from and about. I thought I finally found a place where I can be freer and without obligating tasks, like those in the standard school where you get punished for not doing.
Couple of months after I started I flew to the United States for couple of weeks to join friends I've met in the previous summer for a reunion. I talked to the art school manager and got myself 3 weeks off, I organized everything which was needed, including the money for the whole trip, which I paid for and practically did everything by myself, something which to this day my mom tells about with wonder, I don't know how I did it, I just did. It filled me with a feeling that everything is possible, and flying to the states on my own, going through New York, Boston and Boltimore, some of the time on my own and some with friends was an amazing experience, one which changed my mindset for good, yet it was only when I came back that I realized it.

When I got back, I was told that I have 5 weeks to submit some works I hadn't submitted yet, and that if I won't I won't be allowed to go on with my studies.
That was the straw which broke the camel's back. Why on earth would anybody want to live like this? First to suffer so much and to do that only in order to do what other people tell me to do with the threat that if I won't I would be expelled and pushed away? Why even bother?
I was only 16 and a half, and realizing that I would have to go on living like this for 80-90 years sounded like asking to live in hell, why on earth would I do that to myself???

That brought me to the deepest brake down and depression I had ever experienced and the only 2 things which held me back from killing myself was the dilema of how should I do it (I thought it would be a nice experience to feel like I was flying before crushing down from a cliff and didn't know if it would be better than to find a pistol to make it nice and swift. Both options were available) and a good friend, who without even knowing about my situation, held me above water phone call after phone call.

Then it suddenly hit me, a thought just came out of nowhere: "Maybe nobody knows!! Maybe, just maybe, nobody knows it is possible to live in a different way. What if I would take my life and body, both I was about to give up on anyway, and see if whatever they are saying has any truth to it?"

Looking back at it today I realize that was the day I started taking myself out of other people's control and started gaining control of my own life.
Today I can say only this, to whomever would listen and want to hear, the choice is yours, the control of your own life is yours. It is not an easy choice, for it is much more comfortable to let other people tell us what to do, yet the benefit of the feeling that I can choose how to live my own life, that I can choose to walk away when I don't want something anymore, that I can choose if I want something at all, the benefit that I can choose how to feel about myself, whether to love and trust myself or to hate my own guts, that benefit alone, worth every second of hardship.

Take the control, take it easy at first, do one step at a time maybe, yet take control of your own life, for it is your choice, and avoiding making it is the greatest regret one can ever have.

Take it, it's yours.

Not Knowing

Scary, ah?
What do we do when we don't know what to do?
What can we do?
What will happen if we won't find the right thing to do?
What then?

What if we won't make it?
What if it won't work?
What if she won't like me?
What will I do if he will leave me?

So many questions
And so few answers,
And even when we finally find an answer which works for us,
Trying it again doesn't promise us a repeating success.

So what can we do with this unknowns?
What can we do to finally find some peace in this madness?
What about getting to know it?
For real,
To sit down and get to know the unknown parts of life we already live and participate in,
How about that?

So where do we start?
What is the unknown?
What is unknown to us?
What is impossible to actually know,
Using our mind?

The mind is what we use to know and remember what worked for us,
The mind is there to create whatever we need in order to move on with what we want to create,
Yet what can it do when we move into the unknown?
The very part which the mind has no idea and capability of dealing with,
What then?

We have another part in us which we can rely on,
It is called ourselves (one of many names it has).
Ourselves, our selves, is the very being which is us, deep within,
It guides every move we make,
Protects us from the dangers we meet on the way,
Tells us where to go and who to speak to,
What to avoid and who to join,
Giving us the opportunity to let go of the need to know.

So how do we connect to it?
How do we listen to the right voice?
It is called breathing,
Yes, that very same tool you've been using your entire life.
It is when we are in the breathing
That we take a step back from the ongoing stream of thoughts
Coming to a different state of being,
State of being which is based on love
Where we connect to the higher self,
Where we feel everything
And love it,
We come to the very core of ourselves,
Where we know
In a different sense of knowledge,
Who we are
And what we came here to be and do.

Try it,
It works,
Don't take my word for it,
Don't trust me,
do it
Take a deep breath
And see for yourself.

And if you do,
And you feel fear
Or any other emotion which scares breath
Keep reminding yourself to breathe,
It helps.

May love guide you on your path,
Uriel

Growing Up

When I was 6 years old and started going to elementary school my mom took me to school each day, the thing was that the other kids laughed at me for having my mom take me to school. After a week or two, wanting to be a part of the group, to belong, I told my mom to stay at home one day, and went on my own to school. Ever since then I decided that I will do everything on my own, to show I am strong and can do things on my own, so maybe the other kids will appreciate it and want me as a part of their group. That didn't work, so thinking I am probably not strong enough, I increased the things I did on my own, starting with waking up every morning with an alarm clock, arranging my school bag on my own, making my own food for the day and even arranging everything for the school's year trip, which each year grew longer, starting with being two days (one night) away from home on my second grade. In a way, I took away my parents job and never in my life took their advice as the last word on any subject, most of the times I didn't listen at all, always counting on my own knowledge of things to create the right decision and to make the right move when it was needed. That meant, of course, that I had to improve my way of encountering and solving issues which rose from the simple fact I was alive. It wasn't east, it wasn't easy at all.

Looking back at it today I understand I grew up ahead of time, learning about things which was beyond what anyone my age needed to learn and know, yet back then, the need to belong, to feel I am a part of the group, was stronger than anything I could put my hands on. It was that need, that deep unconscious need, which made me suffer all those years. It wasn't the kids, they were a mere reflection for the need I had, and today I am thankful to them for it, after founding my way out of the suffering. Thinking about it today, I realize I had started setting myself free from that need the moment I started looking for my own destination in life, it gave me my life back, it gave me a reason to go on living, even if my need wasn't met, it gave me a reason to waking up in the morning, it gave me a reason to go on breathing, it gave me a reason to why I had to go through such suffering.

Today, after going through a very long inner search, to why am I here, to why am I even alive, to how things happen, to why people suffer, I am looking back and I am deeply thankful for it. I am thankful for the hard years of the search, I am thankful for the intense change I had to go through and I am thankful for the suffering I had to go through for giving me the strength to go through it all.
Today, looking at myself and the growth process I had gone through, I realize it is not over, it has more to offer, I have more to grow up to, and yet, after going through the first process, the early one, I am finding myself scared of what may come.

Growing up to me means to open up, to show myself to others, to show myself to the world, and that scares me, I had a terrible experience trying to fit in as a kid, and I am scared to death of going through it again. It's funny that mentally I understand that I grew up and that people actually like me, more or less, and after moving out of the Kibbutz I had never in my life encountered such a reaction from any group I had met or went into. So am I so scared? why hadn't that changed yet? I have to grow up now, I know I have to, it's not a must as in "if you won't do it something bad will happen", it's a must in the way that if I won't I will feel bad, I will feel bad with myself, it's a must in the way that this is how life works, it's my process of life, growing up.

"Never Underestimate the Value of Doing Nothing"

It was somewhere around when I was 18-19 years old when Winnie the Pooh became one of my absolute favorite masters, it started off when I was 14 when I read the book "The Tao of Pooh" which opened my eyes to another way of living by, an actual religion, the Taoism. I remember how quickly I felt at home, like I have already known this, and the book was some kind of a reminder. Ever since then it became my way, and two years later, when I almost came to the point of killing myself and decided against it, coming to the conclusion that maybe nobody knows there is a different way to live by, I took the Taoism and its idea as one of my main guides, source of information and mostly, something to lean on when I became exhausted along the way, something which happened quite a bit.

I am fortunate, I just have to say it out loud, it always seemed as if something is watching over me, helping me with the choices I had made, making sure I am safe and sound. It was also when I was 14 years when I met one of my absolute best friends ever, it was that same friend who held me above water for those two weeks when I was 16, not knowing what he was actually doing until recently. It was this friend who became quite quickly one of my guides in life, and not long after we met, about a year or so, I started calling him Pooh. I can't recall why, I think it had something to do with him being a bit chubby back then, yet when I got to know him deeper with the years, I found out the name I gave him was a perfect fit, he was simply the human Pooh (I was Tiger).

After I joined the army, where I was again lucky, having to do only week there-week home, we decided to go on a journey into the wild, well, at least in our standers :-) We took two big backpacks, filled them with food cans, sleeping bags and some clothes and went off into the hills next to my Kibbutz in the middle of the night. Yes, we actually started the journey somewhere after midnight, god knows why. It was a beautiful journey and it consisted basically with waking up slowly in the morning, making fire for the morning coffee and breakfast, then going back to laying down for a while, digesting the food (We kept saying "Life's hard" :-)) Then, in the late morning hours, we started moving, never really knowing where to, having an idea at best. We would walk or hitchhike into the unknown, arriving to where ever the world took us, and doing it all over again the next day. The journey lasted 4 days and it took us toward the Mediterranean sea, where we spent couple of nights, one night at one of the north beaches (Betzet Beach) and then another on the road which was just under the border road between Israel and Lebanon.

I remember the ride back home, which we actually took with a bus, thinking to myself how simple the trip was and how amazing it is to connect to the flow of life, having such a beautiful easy going rhythm to it, how simple life can actually be. I knew it would take some time to fit it into my daily life, yet the will to make it a way to live by, at least for me, grew stronger in me, and I felt its roots grow deeper into my soul and core.

Ever since then I started practicing the saying "Never underestimate the value of doing nothing" (I found out lately that it actually starts with a "Don't", yet I grew to take away words which direct me to "Do" or "Don't", for who knows what will be the right thing for me to do. It also became my way of saying it, so... it doesn't really matter) I found out that in some points in life there is just nothing for me to do, and although it is always quite the tricky part for me, for I love doing things and knowing what to do, I remind myself to breathe, and wen it gets really hard, I remind myself that doing nothing is also a great did.

Love to you all,
Uriel

Pain

Ever since I can remember myself, I was brought up and raised to fight pain with whatever it may be needed to reduce it if not to make it go away. After all, who wants to be in pain? It's not very comfortable, is it? So as a kid and a young teenager I swallowed many pills, it came to a point a kid I was playing with at his house said to me: "You're taking pills like peanuts!" That woke me up.

It wasn't easy letting go of those pills, it's not that I was suffering from some terrible disease, I just didn't like my headaches, or any other of those physical aches which come once in a while. I did notice one thing after a while, and that is that whether I took a pill to make that pain go away or not, two things consistently happened. The first thing I noticed was that the pain eventually went away by itself and the other that the pain came back in some point, yet not necessarily in that same place.
The other thing I noticed after a while was that my ability to stand the pain became greater and greater and after a while my need for doctors came to almost a none. Pain just seemed to keep its distance from me, understanding probably that it doesn't impress me any longer, so why bother showing up. It was like it understood I didn't need it any longer so it just didn't show up, or at least reduced dramatically its visits to my life. I also noticed the pain changed its form, from the physical pain, to emotional pain, to mental pain, it was like it changed its battle field.

The thing is that after a while that I kept accepting it as it is and not try to push it away, it came, yet only as a guide and not as a nuisance. It was my perspective which took its troubling issues a lot of people see it by to a learning experience every time it dropped by for a visit.

When I woke up this morning I immediately noticed a very strong pain in my right upper side of my back, underneath my right shoulder blade, which took away the easiness I was moving by. It didn't go away, actually I am having it right now while writing these words, so all day I was paying a lot of attention to it and to what it may symbols. I still don't have the perfect answer for its visit, I haven't learned yet what it came to show me, I've learned throughout the years that when I do, it simply fades away, for it has no more to show me and teach. So right now I keep paying attention and being aware, I know I am going through a very major change in my life and that pain is a major participant in the process of change, yet that is a different story for a different time.

Alright, I guess this is enough for one time, hope you are all well and if not, I really recommend paying attention to it :-)

Fears

For quite some time now I notice many people consider Fear as an enemy we should fight, even now, a good friend of mine, who is living a life which to be adored and admired I must say, shared on Facebook that fear no longer serves her, even though going through her fears taught her a lot about herself and brought her to a life, which like I said, I admire and take my hat off for.

When I was young, I was very much afraid of many things, scared of what might happen each and every day for I never felt safe growing up in the Kibbutz I was living in, so when I first started practicing change, I didn't realize that is what I was doing, I was simply reacting to a fear I suddenly had, and immediately started working on preparing myself for the option of my fear actually becoming a reality. Ever since then I paid a lot of attention on finding where I felt fear, or any other uncomfortable feeling, and started working on improving my self esteem and the way I felt about myself. That alone improved my life, for time after time, I noticed where I didn't feel good, and worked on feeling better. That is why I consider Fear as one of, if not the best, my best friends and guides. It always showed me where I feel bad, so I found it way easier on what I should pay attention and send my energy on improving. Paying attention has its costs, yes, yet what I received in return was always my best Return On Investment.

I would like to share with you something I wrote some time ago in the beginning of this year, and I think that is the best ROI I ever had, especially when it comes to the area of fears.
I just had it translated from Hebrew, so I hope you will forgive any mistakes you might find.
Hope you like it!

The Adoption of Fear

When I first started exploring Fear at the age of 12,

I didn't know it at the time,

That I was actually adopting it into my heart.

Today,

After 21 years of research and examination,

I finally realize,

That by adopting Fear

I actually developed courage.

Fear wasn't an easy kid to be adopted,

Lots of bureaucracy and paper work,

Less knowledge about how to raise him and such,

Only that the will to know him,

To understand him,

To be there, for him as well,

The will which came from an unconscious understanding at the time,

Was bigger than me,

And it took me on the path,

Which may wasn't easy

Yet after some time,

I began seeing fruits I didn't know,

I began seeing the fruits which grew from my love

To what many people see as the complete opposite,

The love to Fear.

Whoever know my parents,

Probably knows how many kids they had adopted throughout the years,

To how many kids,

Young as adults,

They gave a home,

I probably learned that from them.

Along the years I was told by many how brave I am,

And I never really understood what they are talking about,

For I did what I did

Because I couldn't live in fear,

I just couldn't.

I didn't understand why anyone would want to live in such an awful feeling,

Such a disturbing feeling,

Which annoys,

Which holds us back from living in love.

So I adopted Fear to myself,

The same part which I couldn't push away and prevent,

I adopted him to my heart,

For I saw no one else doing it,

And in some deep place,

I felt sort of pity,

Of compassion,

To that same emotion which may be disturbing,

Only he,

Like anyone of us,

Is also asking to find himself a home.

Today,

Like I said,

Finally,

I understand that he will be a part of my life,

And that I shouldn't push him away,

And hope he will disappear.

Today I understand,

That all that I have to do,

Is to love Fear

And to adopt him into my heart.

I recommend very much to do so,

For even if he is quite the naughty kid,

Which sometimes ask for attention we have none in spare,

He is a smart kid,

A wise one,

And on top of all,

He is one of the best guides I could have ever asked for,

To a life filled with love.

Doing what I want

For years I had been told that I can't just go around doing what I want, that I have other people to consider and to think about, that there are things which need to be done and most of all, that doing what I want is childish, that grownups take responsibility.

Mmm.... Interesting, if grownups take responsibility, then why is the world in such a mess? Most grownups I hear only blame the other side for their problems... Anyhow, I'm not here to write about others, I am here to write and share about myself.

So this is how I grew up up to the young age of 16 years old, or maybe it's not that young, doesn't matter really, I just remember that day after those two long weeks of despair when I was contemplating how to kill myself, that it suddenly struck me as a lightning: "Maybe nobody knows!!!" Maybe they don't know it is possible to live in a different way and that is why they keep telling me that it is impossible to do what I want in this world, living as I wish to live while living this life. It was at that moment when I decided wholeheartedly: "I will do only as I feel like and let's see what happens!!" After all, I was about to kill myself, so it didn't matter to me anymore whether I will live or die, worst can happen, I got to live a little while longer and got to see life in a different way than what I always heard it is before I will die. That decision changed my life forever and I never looked back. For me it was either to find it or to die.

It was 18 years ago this coming January, 18 years, and I am still alive :-) Go figure, ah? I am actually reaching adulthood in the "Doing what I feel like" life. I learned so much since then, I laughed many times before that from the moment I left school I started to learn and study. I have learned SO much ever since that day, about what I truly feel like and what it means (What I feel is right for me to do at any given moment and situation, that is instead of what I think is right for me), about what I truly want and aim to achieve in this life. I've learned how to achieve and accomplish my desires and dreams with the most subtle amount of energy used by me, allowing me to save my energy for when I really needed it. I've learned how to change the most unchangeable things (or so it always seems) and what I actually need to do in order to change them. I've learned SO MUCH!!!! And that was from simple observation on life and on the connection to myself.

So looking back today, to that hard painful day, to the day I made a decision which was leaned on the idea that I have no other way, I look back with a smile, a winning smile, because I did exactly how I felt it is right for me to live, each and every time, and I lived to tell the story.

May yourself guide your way,
Uriel