Regret

Last night, just after the new year started, while dancing to myself, enjoying the music, a woman crossed my path, hugging a friend of hers on her way out, or so it seemed at the time. She was facing away from me, hugging her friend, so I couldn't really see her, only her hair was visible to me, yet for some reason I felt something, something inside of me said: "Pay attention!!"

After they finished their hug, she went past me, and I got to see another glimpse of her, yet could not really understand yet what was it that got my attention. Then she turned around and I was floored.

As I came into the bar, about an hour or so before, I immediately took a sit at the bar and ordered myself a beer from the tap (Half a liter of course) so I can welcome the new year with a nice cold glass of beer in my hand.
As I was waiting, before I even got to talk to the bartender, I looked to my left, and there, behind all the people who stood and danced along the way, I got a glimpse of a beautiful woman in a white dress and she just got my attention, I don't know if it's the dress, I love a woman in a dress, or her long dark hair, I love that as well, or simply her beauty, or maybe all together, yet looking at her from a far, I was captivated for a few seconds, that is until my view was blocked by all the dancers which were going at it full on just before the end of last year.

The evening went on, I was on my own, celebrating my connection to myself, the steps I took in the past year and especially in the past month, yet most of all, I made a huge step yesterday evening, I published a video where I present myself as the writer of the sticker: "It's O.K. You can breathe. The change happens by itself." on a website where I ask people to help me fund more of them and to help me spread my message. For me it is a huge step because I was always afraid of people, which was one of the reasons I never wrote my name on the sticker, and here I am saying: "It's me".

So I was enjoying myself, the beer, the music and the dancing, when suddenly, a beautiful woman in a white dress crossed my path. As I turned around to look at her go and realized it was the same woman from before, I immediately understood I just have to go and talk to her, even if just to know her name. You see, I had for years lived by signs, and learned with the years that it is best to go with them rather than to hold back, there is something so special about jumping into the river of life and to let them take me with the flow, without knowing where it may lead, that is actually the greatest fun when you get used to it. All this went within a flash through my head, remembering the regret I always felt when I didn't go and talk to a beautiful woman who attracted my attention, and I found myself going, without thinking, and meeting up close, a woman who captivated my attention, thoughts and my whole being, all the way to now, when I am writing these words.

I don't know what will happen next, that's life's job, I only know one thing, and that is that last night I went to sleep, and this morning I woke up, without the slightest amount of the feeling called: Regret.

What if?

"What if it will all work out? What if it will actually work out just the way I planned and worked so hard for? What then?"

Those were the questions which I woke up with....
I'm finding myself these last couple of days acknowledging and realizing what I managed to do these past few years, and of course what was before and led me to where I am today, and something in me starts to wonder: "Is it really going to work out as I saw it in my mind's eye?"

When I was young I didn't know how to control my emotions, how to deal with them, and my emotions were always so intense, sometimes down frightening for some people around me, and all I wanted was to find a way to fit in, to be a part of the group, of the whole, to just feel as if I belong. Being so emotionally intensed always seem to push people away, to scare them off, to keep me isolated, and that scared me to death.

So when I decided to change it, I did the first thing which came to my mind, I started practicing being alone, preparing myself for the option that I will in fact be alone. Yet I did it with wonder, I did it with the desire to learn, to know more, I was curious!! Today, after doing it over and over, I realize that my perspective alone, the way I looked at it and observed it was the exact change I was looking for, the change of the perspective, the point of view I was looking through, changed my life, not the specific change I was looking into.

And so it went on and on, one after the other, I took something I felt I want to change and became curious about it: "What if I do it this way?" and similar questions changed my life forever and made my life a walking bliss. It's not that I don't feel pain and anger anymore, neither fear and confussion or frustration, it is only that I know that it is my perspective which changes the way I feel about them, I can fear them, being scared of the unknown and what they will do to me, and I can look at them with facination and wonder, being curious what made them come up in the first place? And, when I really don't know how to deal and contain them, I can always just breathe, relax my mind, my greatest muscle, and enjoy the breeze or whatever is happening around me. This understanding, this insight, changed my life forever.

So what if? What if people would really want to learn and know this? What if it will all work out?
I am SO curious to see how will it all unfold, I can't say patience had ever been my greatest value ;-)

Transformation

I was almost always afraid being a kid, there was always a kid who felt like giving all his pain to me in one form or another, so when the question "What if there would be no more sugar?" came to my mind, I immediately started working on releiving that stress, not realizing of course what I was doing at the time.

Two weeks ago it suddenly dawned at me that what I am going through at the moment is a transformation from the consciousness of fear to the consciousness of love, moving from the lack to the existence, from the agony to the compassion, from the pain to the joy. I suddenly realized that it is happening and that I have nothing to do about it except choosing whether I would like to fear it or to love it.

I guess that explains some of the stress I was living in, feeling that the window to learn about fear is closing and that in some point it will all be over. I guess that in order to explain what I just wrote I should also say that my dream, or should I say what I always felt is my calling, is to teach others how to calm themselves down and to be more relaxed and in tune with the rhythm of life. In other words, how to move from the consciousness of fear to the one of love, and to do that with as less stress as possible, since it is actually happening by itself, something I understood along the way.

This last weekend had been one of the most transformative weekends I had gone through for quite some time.
It started with a friend, a good friend, who I never really got to meet until this last Thursday, since she lives in Rome and we met on the net through another friend. She came for just couple of days to Israel, feeling she just had to be here for Christmas, and she's Jewish ;-) We actually met on the very beach it is believed Jesus had shared 2 loafs of bread and 5 fish (I think those are the numbers) to 5000 people, kind of an amazing place to meet someone for the very first time. We realized straight on that we have quite the connection on our current journey on this planet. We had a great day together with some friends of hers and the feeling was great!!

From there I went to visit a very good friend of mine (and his family) for the night and it was so good to see them all. We also started talking about pushing what I do forward and how to help it grow. What I realized with him was what I am actually doing which is changing the way we experience change, an understanding which I was waiting for for a very long time, one which started the transformation I am now experiencing.

The next morning he took me to a village near by where I participated in a healthy food and life style workshop. It was there that already on the first day, at Friday evening, while going through a Tibetian Bowls breathing session, that same realization sank deeper and I started seeing in my mind's eye how to manifest it and with whom. As soon as I came out of the session I started working on it, since two of girls I saw in my mind's eye were there already.

It went on and on like this ever since, things just happen with tremendous velocity and at ease I am familiar with, yet on at this capacity. Things, literally, transform from thoughts to reality with the blink of an eye. Wow!

I will go on now with my day, having so much to do suddenly, I just wanted to send you some love and effortlessnes for the simple reason that is how I see life.

Lots of love and a big hug
Uriel

Excited!!

Do you know this feeling when you wanted something for SO long and suddenly it just starts to manifest right in front of your eyes? Do you know what I'm talking about? I am going through this exact feeling as I am writing these words, I am just SO excited!!! :-)

When I was a kid, I always had this dream, I dreamed that the world I am living in is a nice place to live in, a beautiful place, where people help each other when one needs it, where people smile to one another and share their love, fears and other deep emotions out of the wish to bond, to come closer, to see that we are not alone, that we are all the same, going through the same phases in life and that with a little help from a friend or a new friend (stranger) we can go through anything, I dreamed of Heaven.

Many of you who are reading this post might think: "What is wrong with this guy? Hasn't he seen the latest news?"

Well, no, I don't watch the news for the simple reason there is nothing new in their programs, what their program is aimed for is spreading fear, reminding people why they should listen to what their governments tell them to do and that is the complete opposite of what I am doing, which is spreading love. I'm not here to go against them, they have their agenda, I have mine, yet as I am writing these words I realize that it is my choice where and how to live, in Paradise (Heaven) where I am in love with life and what surrounds me, attracting love to my life, from loving intimate relationships to relationships with friends which are based on love and cooperation, attracting whatever I may need to live with a smile, from jobs to places to live in, whatever I may need so I can focus all my attention on what I love most to do and that is exactly what I am doing right now - spreading the idea of self love. Or... I can live in fear and keep attracting everything I fear of.... Which choice would you make? ;-)

This is the only choice I ever found we actually have in our hands, the perspective which we live our lives in, how we look at our lives actually changes EVERYTHING!!!! :-)

So what would it be? Love or Fear?

By the way, I am so thrilled to tell you that I started a new YouTube channel which is called... (One guess ;-)) where I am sharing my experience about how to change our lives, feel free to drop by, here's a link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DwagS7Q8qj8

Talk to you soon,
keep loving,
and of course, breathing :-)

Control

Ever since I was born I was told that there are things that I just can't do and that there are things that I must do.
At first I took it as truth, believing that since I am younger than those who told me those things, they must know more about this world than I would. The thing is that I was suffering at the time, trying to fit in the society I was living in, wanting the most simple thing one can ask for, to belong. All through those years my parents didn't know that when they kept on saying: "This is just the way it is", meaning that some things can be done and some just can't, what I understood from this is that life was meant to be suffered through and that is just the way it is. That is what brought me to the point of killing myself.

When I was 16 years old I quit school and moved into an art school, which was meant for those same kids who just didn't fit the standard school, where we learned sketching, drawing, painting, photography and such, discovering different aspects and areas one can learn from and about. I thought I finally found a place where I can be freer and without obligating tasks, like those in the standard school where you get punished for not doing.
Couple of months after I started I flew to the United States for couple of weeks to join friends I've met in the previous summer for a reunion. I talked to the art school manager and got myself 3 weeks off, I organized everything which was needed, including the money for the whole trip, which I paid for and practically did everything by myself, something which to this day my mom tells about with wonder, I don't know how I did it, I just did. It filled me with a feeling that everything is possible, and flying to the states on my own, going through New York, Boston and Boltimore, some of the time on my own and some with friends was an amazing experience, one which changed my mindset for good, yet it was only when I came back that I realized it.

When I got back, I was told that I have 5 weeks to submit some works I hadn't submitted yet, and that if I won't I won't be allowed to go on with my studies.
That was the straw which broke the camel's back. Why on earth would anybody want to live like this? First to suffer so much and to do that only in order to do what other people tell me to do with the threat that if I won't I would be expelled and pushed away? Why even bother?
I was only 16 and a half, and realizing that I would have to go on living like this for 80-90 years sounded like asking to live in hell, why on earth would I do that to myself???

That brought me to the deepest brake down and depression I had ever experienced and the only 2 things which held me back from killing myself was the dilema of how should I do it (I thought it would be a nice experience to feel like I was flying before crushing down from a cliff and didn't know if it would be better than to find a pistol to make it nice and swift. Both options were available) and a good friend, who without even knowing about my situation, held me above water phone call after phone call.

Then it suddenly hit me, a thought just came out of nowhere: "Maybe nobody knows!! Maybe, just maybe, nobody knows it is possible to live in a different way. What if I would take my life and body, both I was about to give up on anyway, and see if whatever they are saying has any truth to it?"

Looking back at it today I realize that was the day I started taking myself out of other people's control and started gaining control of my own life.
Today I can say only this, to whomever would listen and want to hear, the choice is yours, the control of your own life is yours. It is not an easy choice, for it is much more comfortable to let other people tell us what to do, yet the benefit of the feeling that I can choose how to live my own life, that I can choose to walk away when I don't want something anymore, that I can choose if I want something at all, the benefit that I can choose how to feel about myself, whether to love and trust myself or to hate my own guts, that benefit alone, worth every second of hardship.

Take the control, take it easy at first, do one step at a time maybe, yet take control of your own life, for it is your choice, and avoiding making it is the greatest regret one can ever have.

Take it, it's yours.

Not Knowing

Scary, ah?
What do we do when we don't know what to do?
What can we do?
What will happen if we won't find the right thing to do?
What then?

What if we won't make it?
What if it won't work?
What if she won't like me?
What will I do if he will leave me?

So many questions
And so few answers,
And even when we finally find an answer which works for us,
Trying it again doesn't promise us a repeating success.

So what can we do with this unknowns?
What can we do to finally find some peace in this madness?
What about getting to know it?
For real,
To sit down and get to know the unknown parts of life we already live and participate in,
How about that?

So where do we start?
What is the unknown?
What is unknown to us?
What is impossible to actually know,
Using our mind?

The mind is what we use to know and remember what worked for us,
The mind is there to create whatever we need in order to move on with what we want to create,
Yet what can it do when we move into the unknown?
The very part which the mind has no idea and capability of dealing with,
What then?

We have another part in us which we can rely on,
It is called ourselves (one of many names it has).
Ourselves, our selves, is the very being which is us, deep within,
It guides every move we make,
Protects us from the dangers we meet on the way,
Tells us where to go and who to speak to,
What to avoid and who to join,
Giving us the opportunity to let go of the need to know.

So how do we connect to it?
How do we listen to the right voice?
It is called breathing,
Yes, that very same tool you've been using your entire life.
It is when we are in the breathing
That we take a step back from the ongoing stream of thoughts
Coming to a different state of being,
State of being which is based on love
Where we connect to the higher self,
Where we feel everything
And love it,
We come to the very core of ourselves,
Where we know
In a different sense of knowledge,
Who we are
And what we came here to be and do.

Try it,
It works,
Don't take my word for it,
Don't trust me,
do it
Take a deep breath
And see for yourself.

And if you do,
And you feel fear
Or any other emotion which scares breath
Keep reminding yourself to breathe,
It helps.

May love guide you on your path,
Uriel

Growing Up

When I was 6 years old and started going to elementary school my mom took me to school each day, the thing was that the other kids laughed at me for having my mom take me to school. After a week or two, wanting to be a part of the group, to belong, I told my mom to stay at home one day, and went on my own to school. Ever since then I decided that I will do everything on my own, to show I am strong and can do things on my own, so maybe the other kids will appreciate it and want me as a part of their group. That didn't work, so thinking I am probably not strong enough, I increased the things I did on my own, starting with waking up every morning with an alarm clock, arranging my school bag on my own, making my own food for the day and even arranging everything for the school's year trip, which each year grew longer, starting with being two days (one night) away from home on my second grade. In a way, I took away my parents job and never in my life took their advice as the last word on any subject, most of the times I didn't listen at all, always counting on my own knowledge of things to create the right decision and to make the right move when it was needed. That meant, of course, that I had to improve my way of encountering and solving issues which rose from the simple fact I was alive. It wasn't east, it wasn't easy at all.

Looking back at it today I understand I grew up ahead of time, learning about things which was beyond what anyone my age needed to learn and know, yet back then, the need to belong, to feel I am a part of the group, was stronger than anything I could put my hands on. It was that need, that deep unconscious need, which made me suffer all those years. It wasn't the kids, they were a mere reflection for the need I had, and today I am thankful to them for it, after founding my way out of the suffering. Thinking about it today, I realize I had started setting myself free from that need the moment I started looking for my own destination in life, it gave me my life back, it gave me a reason to go on living, even if my need wasn't met, it gave me a reason to waking up in the morning, it gave me a reason to go on breathing, it gave me a reason to why I had to go through such suffering.

Today, after going through a very long inner search, to why am I here, to why am I even alive, to how things happen, to why people suffer, I am looking back and I am deeply thankful for it. I am thankful for the hard years of the search, I am thankful for the intense change I had to go through and I am thankful for the suffering I had to go through for giving me the strength to go through it all.
Today, looking at myself and the growth process I had gone through, I realize it is not over, it has more to offer, I have more to grow up to, and yet, after going through the first process, the early one, I am finding myself scared of what may come.

Growing up to me means to open up, to show myself to others, to show myself to the world, and that scares me, I had a terrible experience trying to fit in as a kid, and I am scared to death of going through it again. It's funny that mentally I understand that I grew up and that people actually like me, more or less, and after moving out of the Kibbutz I had never in my life encountered such a reaction from any group I had met or went into. So am I so scared? why hadn't that changed yet? I have to grow up now, I know I have to, it's not a must as in "if you won't do it something bad will happen", it's a must in the way that if I won't I will feel bad, I will feel bad with myself, it's a must in the way that this is how life works, it's my process of life, growing up.